I can assure you this post is nothing more than a humorous PG scandal.
**Disclaimer** You might laugh.
You can always hear when there is a soccer match that either involves the Colombian national team or the team from Medellin. When a goal is almost scored you can hear the “oohhhhhhh” from homes across the way. Its gets even better when the team actually scores and the entire city goes nuts. While some games are bigger than others, the national soccer championship was something to witness in Medellin.
Every time the team would score you could hear car horns and people celebrating for hours. The night during the national championship the festivities didn’t stop until the next afternoon. This of course would be a great day to celebrate, especially since we are a group of gringos that are self proclaimed Colombians and support every Colombian team (when they win).
We went to our usual place called Luxury located in one of the party centers in Medellin, Barrio Colombia (pictures of chaos coming soon). After an evening of alcohol indulgence and courtship we decided to head to our usual post-partying hangout, Mcdonald’s. There is a reason we always go to Mcdonald’s you can read about it here. That’s when it happened.
Since it was such a big night everyone in the city was out celebrating the win of the national championship. Taxi’s were scarce since everyone was out on the street having a good time. Finding a taxi was extremely hard. We had to walk to the end of the block to find a busier street where we could have better chances. Unfortunately, everyone else was standing there to try and find a taxi so I had to walk further and further.
Eventually I found a taxi with some members of the opposite sex. They unfortunately were actually dressed up as the opposite sex. If you don’t know what beer goggles are I would highly recommend you go to urban dictionary and look it up. My strategic plan was to use my charm to try and share a cab with these female imposters. I approached them and asked them if we could share a taxi.
That’s when the one closes to me turned and in a very manly voice said “would you like a little something else”. I promptly replied “no love”, I simply was too exhausted after my rump was moving back and forth at 5 miles an hour on the dance floor. She tried to grab my crown jewels and my killer instincts immediately dodged her hand as her killer instincts reached behind her back and left a red hand imprint on my face. It was still on my face after I woke up.
The lesson here ladies and gentlemen is that you can never be too sure who are going to run into. This is way you should wear a smack proof helmet when approaching random bulky women in taxis. The End.