How to Prepare For Kidnapping in Somalia-land

I admit it, I’m crazy for wanting to visit Somaliland.  Many people told me I was crazy when I wanted not only visit Colombia, but live in one of the cultures that has fascinated me for decades.  While the dangers in Colombia weren’t what most people were expecting:

I don’t anticipate the dangers in Somalia to be any different.

Truth is that Somalia is now broken up into 3 different territories; Somaliland, Puntland, and Somalia.  The only part of Somalia that you normally hear about in the news is Somalia.  There is no law and order in this part of Somalia excluding the war lords that control the capital of Mogadishu.

Map of Somalia, Somalia map, somaliland map, puntland map

Map of Somalia after 2009

The United States tried to fight the Somalis and lost, you may have heard of the movie depiction called Black Hawk Down.  In 2006, Ethiopia thought that they could do better than the US military and decided to try a siege on the city.  Safe to say Somalia is still in chaos to this day which means Ethiopia didn’t really do what they set out to do.

After a 3 year battle Ethiopia has decided to pull out of Somalia.

Enter the present day and Somalis started to head south into a picturesque Kenyan town of Lamu to kidnap tourists.  This, of course, threatens Kenya’s flourishing tourism industry and the current home of your very own WanderingTrader in Kenya.

The Kenyan army has decided to wage war on Somalia without informing the present day government.  The outcome should be fun to watch.

I should be able to obtain a visa in roughly 20 minutes and then I will head directly to the capital of Somaliland.  I will not be traveling anywhere near those Somalis that can get their hands on this dulce de leche feign!  If, by any chance, the mandatory armed military escort that is required to travel around Somaliland cannot protect me, I am preparing for a kidnapping in Somalia.

Step 1: Don’t bring anything valuable that you could possibly need after you are released such as a laptop, two blackberries, two cameras (1 of which is new, the other of which is behaving like a red headed step child), currencies for your money collection from 6 different countries, the snazzy Israeli boxers you bought in Tel Aviv, your sanity, and finally, $700 of cash you saved specifically for your trip to Somaliland.

Setp 2: Practice your Oh Shet moment:

Step 3: Do not go for a walk, eat, or get curious by going too far east, Click here to read a recent article on Somalia.  Somaliland & Puntland are the safest regions in Somalia (in that order).

Step 4:  Don’t bother registering with your Embassy in nearby in Kenya or Ethiopia since no one will be able to come and rescue

Step 5:  Win the lottery so you can pay the $1 million ransom


  1. So far so good turtle.. I did kind of get into a fight just outside my hotel with one of the locals because he wanted me to pay him for showing me the photo shop… so should be interested how this turns out

  2. Spoken like a true adventurer. Beats lounging on a beach in Benidorm any time. I’m sure you will make it without a scratch and will have the best stories ever to tell. I keep fingers and toes tightly crossed.

  3. Max.. thanks for the link but those are all the terriotorities currently in Somalia. I checked with some government officials that I met and they let me know that is how it currently stands today even though the region inbetween Somaliland and Puntland is still being disputed.

  4. Your visiting in somaliland is more save than the other part of horn africa if you blieve that somaliland people have kidnapping you are out of topic come to somaliland see your eyes what somaliland if you are In UK or USA you bleive that somalia is failed state and no one can goo here in somaliland we are save our country is save you can trust us uf you become here somaliland is better than kenya and south somalia

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