The Virgin Thai Massage Experience


My first Thai massage is what I would describe as glorious, interesting, and soothing.  The first day I had arrived on the exotic island of Koh Samui to attend a boring island hopping yacht party the topic came up. It was after what would become the cheapest meal I have ever had on the planet.

Three men would devour appetizers, side dishes, three mango shakes, and of course a main dish of an  exotic Thai dish.  It was a dish I do not know the name of or know how to pronounce.

The only thing certain about the main dish is that it would burn the pants off my taste buds.

After devouring our meal we obviously had a nap and later reconvened to debate the concept of a Thai massage. I of course would be intrigued as long as it did not contain a happy ending.

I simply don’t do that on the first date.

We walked along the main drag and every other shop was offering a Thai massage. It seemed similar to a Thai massage superstore.  One of the things I always miss about the United States is the variety of products one can find.

massages in Thailand

To try and describe this to my foreign readers just imagine an aisle at a local grocery store. Most grocery stores overseas have possibly a maximum of 10 different types of cereal. A major chain may have 20.  In the United States there are entire aisles of cereals in every sugar intoxicating color, name, and brand.  Even taco bell now served a Doritos Taco what is the world coming to?

I wondered if there were different variety of Thai massages.

I would not say that I am a big man but I was concerned about the size of these women. The women in Thailand are beautiful but they are also quite petite.

What exactly was the attack plan for a petite woman giving a man a massage? Do they do it with their feet? Do they jump on your back with carefully constructed techniques that have been refined over thousands of years?

We approached the counter with the handful of Thai massage artists sitting outside and began to request pricing.  The price listed on the Thai massage menu was roughly two or three dollars. Everything in Thailand is negotiable however.  Our dinner just a few hours ago would not have been worth more  than $6 or $7.  The dinner would have equated to a meal to about $60 or $70 minimum in the United States.

Easily over 100 pounds in the obnoxiously priced regions of London.

Our group of course would not oblige. I was informed that in Thailand there is always a “big tourist group discount”.  We proceeded to negotiate.

Thai massage

Some of the seats for our Thai massage

The final price would be the staggering amount of $2.20 for a full one hour massage. I simply could not oblige to such an outlandish high quote for a massage.

I was tired and contemplating I hope I don’t snore. That loud.

What ensued actually was extremely interesting.  The way they provide the Thai massages are with their entire body. They leverage their own body weight with certain movements in order to provide enough pressure to the body.

While on one’s stomach the woman sits down on the lower back with her face facing towards our feet and the process begins.

In the end the Thai massage was extremely relaxing. I did fall asleep several times but was regrettably informed that did not snore and another member of our group took the snoring crown.

I wasn’t offered a happy ending either which I was very happy about.  One thing I learned about my time massage is that they should market how relaxing they are and not just a happy endings. Also, men don’t snore during the massage, it really isn’t cute.


  1. Marcello, that sounds like an amazing night. What a great opportunity other countries less fortunate than ours can afford both the tourist and resident. Thanks for sharing your experience, I’ll have to try that sometime…

  2. Aside from Thai food and tropical beaches, Thai massage is the best too! Will be visiting Thailand for the 2nd time again and I’d love to try their massage. Thanks

  3. Hey Marcello – I’m wondering what kind of massage you are describing. Most Thai massages are almost painful experiences inflicted by not-so-good looking women with strong hands. Those are real “Thai massages”. Your description:”The way they provide the Thai massages are with their entire body. They leverage their own body weight with certain movements in order to provide enough pressure to the body”. Hehe, sounds like you’re describing a body massage without mentioning the happy ending part.
    All I’m saying is that you may get a rude awakening asking for a “thai massage” in the wrong place..

    1. I didn’t say it wasn’t painful but I did enjoy it.. there were times where they were bending limbs and that I didn’t think could bend a certain way but overall I enjoyed it a lot

  4. When I’m in Thailand I go 2-3 times a week for Thai massage. They are the most relaxing time you can have other than lying on one of the many beautiful beaches. I can’t wait to return to Thailand to get another one.

  5. My first Thai massage was in Kuala Lumpur… Authentic from what I’ve been told, but I wasn’t offered a happy ending. Though the proprietor did say that my masseuse “liked me.” I was later told it was a “dirty” massage parlour, but maybe they sensed I was a gentleman and pure as the driven snow. Or broke.

    I can’t get enough of these professional massages, and the Thai version is definitely better than the Chinese version. Thai massages stretch-rub-stretch-rub. It’s relaxing and works all the kinks out. Chinese massages find the pressure points that are bothering you (based on being in pain) then dig fingers, thumbs, or blunt instruments into them. Given the choice between a Thai and Chinese massage, always go for the Thai version.

  6. My last Thai massage (in May 2013) was my LAST Thai massage. The lady seemed to know what she was doing (as opposed to many who are untrained/unskilled or just bait in fronts for prostitution) and the spa was nice and rather upscale in Chiang Mai, but certain of the manipulations were just plain painful and the semi sumo wrestling moves she did on my lower back left me unable to stand up straight or walk without pain for over a week.
    I’ll stick to oil massages (can you say ‘rub down’?) or even herbal ball massages in Thailand (and even then I’ve had a couple where the women were sticking there tits in my face (and I’m a woman so I can just imagine for the men) and grinding there vaginas on me during the ‘massage’ and save the real healing massages with trained masseuse/masseurs who really know what they’re doing for Ubud, Bali, Indonesia.

  7. One of the best things about Thailand is the local massages. It can be a bit of a task finding a proper massage parlor in a place like Phuket. Girls wearing skimpy clothes shouting on “Thai Massageee” is a warning sign 😛

  8. There some big misconceptions out there, that Thai Massage is painful and that it has something to do with “happy end”. Thai Massage is only painful if you are with an insensitive or brutal therapist who doesn’t bother asking you how much pressure feels right to you. It it’s too strong, just tell the therapist to lighten up. (bao bao in Thai).

    Thai Massage is not intrinsically coupled with happy endings. There are quite a few Thai women who increase their earnings that way, but a real and regular Thai Massage is a purely therapeutic session. I have been living in Thailand for over a decade and have been getting lots of Thai Massages, and it is quite easy to stay away from the painful sessions or the extra-services kind if you are just asking around for a good shop or therapist.

  9. I thought I love Thai massage when I first started getting them in LA years ago. Then I went to Thailand – even better! And cheaper! I’ve never found it painful, and of course you need to communicate with your masseuse about how much pressure you want. The good ones always ask you anyway.

  10. I have had Thai Massages in Phuket, Bangkok and Chang Mai. I have found that the further North you go the Les Touristy the Massages are. I would avoid a massage on the Beaches of Phuket, as they are designed just for the tourist. The massages are not that great and you do no get the best experience.

    Chang Mai on the Other hand…. I had a great massage there, for less than in Phuket. I had my own room with clean clothes, incense and soothing music. The Massage was very good indeed. I was very relaxed throughout, and refreshed by the end.

  11. Glad to hear your first massage was ‘glorious, interesting and soothing’. Massage in SE Asia is often better VFM and a higher standard than anywhere else.

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